laura7368

I just have to ask...

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 22:32:55 GMT

Why would I pay an airline $15 to lose my stuff? Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

I will also point out that, depending on where you're going, they stick you on those tiny regional aircraft where you're required to check stuff that would ordinarily fit in the overhead compartments. So, my option is, basically, to fly in an outfit I like enough to wear for my entire stay? And I better not go anywhere for more than about three days, because that's how much shampoo I'll be allowed to carry on the plane with me.

And, if you have no idea what the hell I'm talking about, go here.

Yes, I know American started doing this weeks ago, but, as long as it was only American, I could just not fly with them. Soon, I won't be able to fly with anyone.

...

Question - can I wear all my clothes at once on the plane? I mean, if the problem is the bag, and not my personal weight, there's no reason I can't wear three pairs of pants, a skirt, four shirts, and two sweaters, right? It's always cold on planes, anyway.

Hypermiles? I don't think so.

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 01:17:14 GMT

Everyone is obsessed with gas these days. But not like these guys. These hypermilers are so obsessed that they have devised ways to double or triple their gas mileage. Wayne Gerdes even managed to get 180 miles per gallon in a a Honda Insight. Ordinarily, he gets 59 mpg in a Honda Accord. This idea has some appeal to me, so I decided to take a closer look at hypermiling. It is now very clear to me that Mr. Gerdes, and others like him, have no conception of their own mortality, no fear, and live in very sparsely populated areas. Let's look at suggested ways to increase gas mileage:

Drive Slowly

The idea: Most cars get their best gas mileage about about 40 mph. Cars also tend to get much better gas mileage at 60-70 mph, rather than at speeds above 70. Gas mileage is drastically reduced at over 80 mph.

The reality: I drive slowly, anyway. I can't afford a speeding ticket. However, There's no way I could drive 40 mph on the freeway. If I didn't get run over, I would be ticketed for driving too slowly. I also can't afford to pay that.

Ridge-Riding

The idea: Ride the white line at the side of the road. This reduces drag, especially if its raining. It also lets other cars know you're driving slowly.

Perhaps I misunderstood this one. The edge of the road is covered with bumps so you know that you've drifted too far. You're not supposed to drive on it. If someone knows how destroying my tires is supposed to give me better gas mileage, please explain it. Also, when I see someone hugging the white line, I don't think "he's driving slowly," i think "he's drunk." If you want to alert me that you're driving slowly, turn on your emergency flashers.

Reduce the Weight in the Vehicle

The Idea: Heavier vehicles (i.e., SUVs, big trucks) use more gas to get them moving.

The Reality: OK, this I can do. I went into my car, gathered up all the garbage, and threw it away. The grand total of all that stuff weight about - 4 oz. I'm not sure that's going to make much of a difference. And I certainly refuse to drive to work each morning without my coffee unless doing so will net me about 10 mpg. But, I suppose I can remove the shovel from my trunk for a few months. I sincerely hope it doesn't snow in June. Otherwise, good 'ole Wayne says that losing twenty pounds can help increase gas mileage.

Drive Only on Flat Surfaces

I live in New England. I live at the top of a hill. Putting that aside, I could only do this if I chose never to venture farther than about two miles from home. So much for that plan.

Drive As Much as Possible When the Engine is Warm

The idea: warm engines use less fuel. Combine as many short trips as possible into one long trip. Drive to the farthest destination first, then work your way back home.

The reality: I'm actually on board with this one. Especially since the grocery store is closest to home, and is usually my final stop. During the winter, I can actually do all my grocery shopping before I drive to the gym. This wouldn't work during the summer, but otherwise, it's a good idea. I'm not sure how much gas it actually saves, though.

DWB (Driving Without Breaks or Driving With Buffers)

The Idea: When driving, create buffers around your car large enough that, if necessary, you can come to a complete stop without using your brakes. Braking uses kinetic energy and makes the car less fuel efficient.

This one is sheer insanity. While imagining myself using this technique, I died the following 32 times on the way to work yesterday.

a. 11 times at stoplights. I realize that the idea is to keep your eyes on the road ahead, see the stoplights, and anticipate the stop, but it's very difficult to see through, around, or over hills. Especially when there are 50 cars in front of me.
b. 2 times at the tolls. Turns out, you can't drive through all the stopped cars in front of you.
c. 7 times when encountering traffic merging onto the freeway (I might have managed to live here if I were allowed to accelerate, or drive with the engine on, but... see below).
d. 3 times at highway interchanges. Wayne didn't explain what to do when you come up behind a car at a dead stop.
e. 1 time exiting the freeway. See (d).
f. 7 times executing turns. When there are cars parked on both sides of the (rather narrow) street, and there's a car coming towards you, there's no way to make a turn at 30 mph (especially when there are people walking across the street).
g. 1 time when I encountered road construction.
f. I also (hypothetically) killed three pedestrians and two police officers who were directing traffic.

I also find it necessary to point out that, if I allow more than four feet between me and the car in front of me, another car immediately fills it. The directions say to simply create a new buffer, but I don't think that's possible without, at some point, starting to drive backwards. Causing an accident.

Pulse and Glide (Note: illegal in many states... with good reason)

The idea: accelerate to a desired speed, turn off the engine, then coast. Repeat as necessary.

The reality: Violent and bloody death. Possibly a destroyed transmission. I know they say this can be done in either a manual or automatic transmission, but I don't buy it. When I turn off my engine, I can't restart it unless the car is in park. Also, when you turn off the engine, you lose your power steering. So, automatically, I can only move in a straight line. You also lose some of your braking ability (not a problem, I guess, if you're not supposed to be using your brakes). Which means that, from the moment I realize that I need to restart my engine, it'll take me at least 20 seconds to shift into park, start the car, and shift back into drive. While not steering

I can't fathom how this maneuver (especially combined with DWB) won't get me called. Picture the following:

During the final leg of my trip to work, I need to turn left, get into the right lane, turn right, avoid pedestrians, drive up a hill, make a left turn across traffic (which is driving downhill and therefore unlikely to stop quickly), avoid more pedestrians, turn right, drive up at a roughly 45 degree angle, come to a complete stop, turn right, turn right into a curvy driveway pointed straight down, drive around the three cars who think they can park in the very narrow driveway, and park.

If while completing these various maneuvers, I am also not allowed to use my brakes, and I'm expected to not accelerate... I just won't make it. It may be difficult to grasp if you haven't walked up (or down) that icy hill when it's 5 degrees out, but there's no way to get up it without accelerating. And if I tried to turn off my engine and glide the rest of the way from the stop sign, I simply wouldn't make it. Not to mention that I wouldn't be able to steer in the parking lot, so I would probably hit about 10 cars. I hope I get bonus points when the only available parking space is in between two cars parked at right angles to each other.

Bonus Tip: Remove the Windshield Wipers on Dry Days to Reduce Drag

This one, I find fascinating. The moment I remove my windshield wipers, get into the car, and start driving, my car will be attacked by a vengeance by wild birds. i can assure you that I wouldn't make it four feet without having my entire windshield covered by bird feces. Luckily, since this is New England, said feces would be washed away in about ten minutes after it started raining.

So, if doubling your gas mileage is more important than remaining alive, by all means - give these ideas a shot. Check out wikipedia's hypermiling entry. Google "Wayne Gerdes." You might want to seriously lower your insurance deductibles first, though.

My Biggest Pet Peeve

Fri, 16 May 2008 11:37:10 GMT

As everyone knows by now (or should know), yesterday, in a landmark ruling, the California Supreme Court struck down that state's marriage laws as unconstitutional. I knew about the ruling in advance. Of course, I didn't know what they were going to say, but I signed up over a year ago to receive an email every time anything happened on the case. And let me tell you - I got a ton of useless emails as I waited for the right one. I was so ecstatic that I read every single newspaper article I could find on the subject.

Here's my problem. Every single article said the same thing: California Supreme Court legalizes gay marriage. No. They. Didn't.

In fact, if you the 172-page opinion (and yes, I did, just as I read every single word of Goodridge multiple times), Chief Justice George very specifically spends multiple pages talking about how the phrase "gay marriage" not only betrays your ignorance, but is harmful to gay people everywhere.

Why? Because "gay marriage" sounds like it's something different from marriage. Something new and special. It sounds like ... people are asking to have a new right established that makes them better than they should be. Damn uppity queers. That is absolutely not the point. The point is that, if there is a fundamental right to marry, which has been recognized in the United States for decades, then everyone should be allowed to partake. Period.

That's right, folks. Gay people want to get married. They don't want to get "gay married." In 1967, Mildred and Richard Loving didn't want to get "interracial married," and I'm not looking to get "straight married" some day.

Clearly not one of those news medias actually read the opinion. What I find most upsetting was that the San Francisco Chronicle was also guilty. As was the Boston Globe. Maybe they should have hunted up a gay staff member to write the articles. So, let's show the world how educated and enlightened we are and strike the phrases "gay marriage" and "same-sex marriage" from our vocabularies. If it still has a separate name, it's not equal. Calling it "gay marriage" is no better than calling it a "domestic partnership" or "gay-rriage." It's not the name itself, it's how people respond when they hear it. It's, in part, the fact that every time you say it, you're asking people to disclose their sexual orientation to the world, even if it's no one's business but their own.

Don't get me wrong. The decision is the best possible thing that could have happened right now. But if no one understands it, they're not really learning anything. And if society isn't learning, it can't move forward. Think about it.

48th Worst Drivers in the World!

Mon, 19 Nov 2007 23:49:21 GMT

So, according to a recent survey of national drivers, Massachusetts drivers are tied for the forty-eighth worst drivers in the county. Only New York is worse. I believe it. I took the National Driving Test and scored a 90%. Most of it is simply intution. Anyway, I have compiled a list of Laura's Top Ten Driving Tips and Observations.

1. Those white and yellow lines on the road are there for a reason. The idea is not see how many times you can drive back and forth over them in under a minute. Believe it or not, you're actually supposed to drive in between them. If your car is so big you can't figure out how to drive in only one lane at a time, please trade it for a tricycle. Also, if that's the case, you're an idiot who shouldn't be driving.

2. The lines, part two. When you're driving on a road, and you see a dotted white line down the center, that means there are two lanes. The fact that you can just barely squeeze a third line of cars onto the road does not mean there should be three lanes. Especially when the road in question is a bridge, which often shakes under the added weight. One of these days, I am going to die on that bridge, and Boston drivers will be responsible.

3. The reason we have left turn lanes is so those who want to turn left can do so without blocking traffic behind them. It's not so you can drive up next to the left turn lane, stop on a green light, make everyone behind you stop, wait for a left arrow and make a left turn across of traffic, narrowly avoiding hitting everyone in your path. I see this one every day. I have learned to stay in the far right lane until I am past Kendall Square to avoid these people. Still - it's scary.

4. There is a light on my way home that likes to turn green when cross traffic already has a green light. There is no possible way to proceed without dying. So - what's the point? Why does the light turn green when it's impossible to go?! (Ok, that's not a hint, but it's killing me. I need to know why it's there - who is it signalling? The suicidal?).

5. Turn signals. No, seriously. They're fabulous. Look them up.

6. You're supposed to pull over to the right and stop when an ambulance or other emergency vehicle approaches. No, I'm not kidding.

7. Your car is not a battering ram. The idea is actually to avoid hitting people. Intentionally hitting someone with your car is what we like to call "assault with a deadly weapon." You could go to jail for a long time.

8. I cannot possibly drive faster than the car in front of me. I also can't drive through the car in front of me. Driving on my ass is only likely to make me slam on my brakes. Since it's not my fault that none of the cars are moving, you need to back the fuck off. You know who you are.

9. Honking at me when I have nowhere to go might make me throw things at your car, but it can't possibly help me to move faster. Because there's nowhere to go! It's almost like driving an SUV drops your IQ fifty points.

10. It is sheer insanity to take three lanes of traffic, open them up into ten or so, then provide a large portion of pavement with no lane markings whatsoever before forcing people back into three lanes. The tolls at Newton are a death trap, and they're completely unnecessary, since people have to pay whenever they get off the damn road, anyway. Rush hour congestion would be about 25% better without the random toll booths in the middle of the road. Whoever put them there is both crazy and an idiot.

Weekend O'History

Mon, 19 Nov 2007 23:44:48 GMT

This post is for Adam, although it's a little out-dated. Because he can't get into my MySpace blog.

So, interestingly enough, receiving my bar results was not the highlight of last weekend. It's funny, but - while everyone I work with was racing home to check their results, I really just didn't care. I had other things on my mind. In fact, it wasn't until Kristian told me to go check the mail while he finished dinner that I actually went to look. Even then, I only saw the first word. For all I knew, the letter might have said "Congratulations! You achieved the lowest score we've ever seen on a bar exam!" That would be pretty mean, though.

So, anyway, I picked Kristian up at the airport on Thursday night. He told me later that, when he first saw me, while I looked happy to see him, I mostly looked relieved. This is, of course, because until he actually got off the plane and I saw him standing there, I didn't actually believe he would show up. A part of me was really worried that I had imagined the 100 or so conversations we had about his visit (and the confirmation email from Southwest), that he wasn't actually coming, and that I had driven to New Hampshire for nothing. That was when it hit me - I read far too much V.C. Andrews as a child. Such insane paranoia can only be born of a few too many readings of My Sweet Audrina.

But I digress. On Friday, I learned that On Walden Pond is written about a real place and that, believe it or not, the history books didn't lie about the American Revolution. It did, indeed, occur, right here in Massachusetts. Ah, the things I would know if only I stopped to think about them. Anyway - turns out that, for a couple of years, Thoreau lived in a cabin that made the Unabomber's look roomy by comparison. Of course, he didn't need space for loads of bomb-making equipment, so I guess it didn't much matter. Now i feel like I should read that book. Then we drove to the site of the first battle of the revolution, which is now a really, really big park. As in, it takes an hour to drive through it. Then again, that too makes sense, once you think about it. While at the bookstore, I discovered that one of the judges I'm working for wrote a book about the Boston Massacre in the seventies. Life is strange. We also went by the Sleepy Hollow Cemetery and the house where Louisa May Alcott wrote Little Women, but couldn't really think of an excuse to go into either of them.

On Saturday, I learned that the weather service had not been lying, and Hurricane Noel really was off the coast of Boston. It was very, very cold. Turns out that this is a very bad time to go down to the waterfront. Next time, I get to pick the rainy day activity. I also learned that the Holocaust "Museum" is no such thing - don't let the name fool you. It is very interesting, but not a place to go to get out of the rain, since it's a number of open glass columns that you walk through. The glass gets very foggy when it's pouring rain, especially when you find smokers huddled in there to avoid the storm. I wanted to ask the point, since rain and wind were still coming in the top, but - eh. To each his own. But anyway, the North End has good Italian food, so that was nice.

Sunday, I finally, finally got to visit Salem. Naturally, I went to the Witch Museum. It's really not much like a normal museum, either. You go in a room with a huge group of people, and they give a presentation about the horrible, stupid little girls who pretended they were possessed because they were bored and ended up getting a lot of innocent people killed. Yes, I'm still bitter. I should have remembered how much the whole thing upsets me before I went, but - *shrug* It's like how I always remember halfway through Romeo and Juliet how much I hate that story. Anyway, Salem has all kinds of cool stuff. I haven't been in a proper Wicca store since the only one in Sacramento closed, which was about seven years ago. It was nice to poke around to my heart's content. And I must say, Kristian is a very patient man. I'm sure he was bored out of his mind, watching me dig through herbs and candles in multiple stores. We also walked through the cemetery there, which was pretty cool. I mean, "cool" as far as cemeteries go.

And then Kristian left, because his stupid job won't pay him to live in Boston. I'm sure there's loads he could do for the State of California out on the East Coast.... All in all, it was a really nice weekend, if a little too short for me.

I object!

Sat, 10 Nov 2007 17:36:09 GMT

There are simply too many online communities out there. Livejournal, facebook, myspace..... I couldn't even begin to list them all. And for all of those stupid sites, you have to be a member to do certain things. I can't post comments on livejournal if I don't have an account. I can't view my friends' profiles on myspace without an account.

To be fair, MySpace is the most annoying, because I have friends who refuse to respond to any other method of communication. (I blame them, not MySpace. I have some weird friends.) I object to being forced to constantly sign up for new things. And yet, I caved. I now have approximately 2 bazillion memberships to online communities, each so that I can talk to one or two people.

Sometimes, the internet sucks.

Also, it seems awfully presumptious for me to assume that anyone has an interest in reading the things I have to say. I'm sure that there are many, many people out there who do, indeed, have lots of fun and exciting thoughts to share. I am not one of them.